00:06
Hi, this is Katie, and thank you for joining me on the Creating Your Sanctuary podcast, and this is a podcast about creating those little moments and things and space that support you.

00:21
And today we are talking about things and stuff.

00:25
I guess I remember my dad saying, don't use things and stuff.

00:30
It's just doesn't describe what you're trying to talk about, especially in writing, but, um, I do want to talk about things and stuff because that's kind of the only way I can talk about everybody's collections of furniture, of books, of, any kind of collections that you have to, all your creature comforts, like blankets and clothing and

00:59
jewelry and all that stuff.

01:01
Okay?

01:02
So I will be using the word stuff.

01:04
Um, I do come from this with, um, from a neurodivergent point of view.

01:12
So I am ADHD and autistic.

01:15
And I do like collections of things.

01:21
That's my autistic side and I love to complete a collection or slowly collect things.

01:27
I've collected quarters, actually a continuation of my dad's collection of state quarters in the US, um, I have collected stickers, all my life, actually, from sticker books when I was a kid, to now when I'm, um, creating my, Spreads in my planner every week, to also wanting really comfortable clothes to wear.

01:53
I hate an itchy tag.

01:55
I hate itchy like fabrics and things.

01:57
So, the things around me bring me a lot of comfort, they regulate me.

02:03
Um, they, you know, like a soft light helps against any kind of fluorescent or like really bright light.

02:11
Um, to, yeah, wrapping myself up in blankets to, uh, just being cozy at home and that actually allows me to work better because my body is more comfortable.

02:25
I learned this at a very, um, well, early working age where it was hard to work in an office.

02:33
So I created my sanctuary at home to work at home.

02:37
And I understand the part where you go to a store, you go to the thrift store, you go to another store and you find all these things that you really love and you bring them home and they start accumulating. And I've been in 2 situations of downsizing.

03:00
Uh, one was, um, moving out of our, let's see, it was probably like a little over 10 years ago, kind of downsizing, even though we had the same amount of bedrooms, we had about half the size of house and moved to a much greater area to, you know, connect more with our neighbors and everything, better schools, all of that.

03:25
And yeah, downsizing meant we had to get rid of quite a bit.

03:31
Um, but we kept a lot of things to still help Fix a house.

03:38
Like there were still all these tools that we had accumulated over the years, and I think part of it was, um, taking some of my dad's collection, and my dad's coming up 3 times during this.

03:48
He passed over 20 years ago, 25 years ago, and I just wanted to note that.

03:54
But um, I find that it is really hard to see the things that you love and not come home with them.

04:04
And it's uh, something that I've had to turn into a skill. And maybe I'll talk about that in another podcast because I'd like to go in depth depth with that.

04:17
But it was learning how to admire things and love things for other people, love things for maybe a different version of me or just admire the peace itself as art or cute or something like that.

04:34
And walk away from it.

04:37
So, Um, it, and I still, you know, struggle with that.

04:43
But our 2nd downsizing, when we moved here to the Netherlands, then that's when we got rid of 90% of our stuff.

04:52
And it was hard to,

04:55
let go of like this version of me that I saw through the objects around me.

05:03
I was like, I collected this then, and I did this then.

05:06
And each item has so many memories attached.

05:10
But a lot of those memories weren't ones that I wanted to carry forward.

05:16
And I think that was like the key thing was, Remembering putting on a shirt that I went and had a bad day with, right?

05:28
Like it was like, I don't really want to carry these memories with me.

05:32
I'm sure I've worn that shirt maybe 5 different times, but the most salient memory that comes up was not a good one.

05:40
So yes, that can go.

05:43
Uh, we also had to get rid of a lot of holiday Christmas items that I had loved for a long time.

05:53
We would put up every Christmas.

05:56
But also, we were growing out of them.

05:59
Now, I know, I know, because I've done the same.

06:03
I know probably our son will come to me at some and say, remember that one thing that was at Christmas? And we may spend some time on eBay trying to find it again.

06:13
But because I've done the same.

06:16
There's like things from my childhood of certain toys and certain decor that I remember.

06:21
And looking it up and going, well, can I acquire it again, it wasn't so much that I needed that actual item, but sometimes just looking it up and seeing it again.

06:33
Um, sometimes, you know, actually having it did mean a lot.

06:40
There was a little tiny locket that I had when I was very young, like 5 years old, one of the 1st pieces of jewelry.

06:50
I'm sure my mom gave me.

06:51
And I accidentally gave it away with a bunch of craft supplies and beads because I had, I think the chain had broken.

06:59
And so I had it in with like a bunch of charms and I just didn't realize it and it's long gone now, but before I left, you know, the states to come here to the Netherlands, I did find a little one that represents it.

07:16
And it was something that I could pack, right, and bring with me.

07:19
And that was enough for me.

07:22
Like, it wasn't expensive at all.

07:24
And yeah, I didn't have the little tiny photos of their inside there that was my mom and my mom's dog.

07:30
I can picture those whenever I hold this item.

07:35
And so is that me, is that part of me on the outside of me, I do think that our things help us remind us who we are, especially if we are masking as a neurodivergent person.

07:53
Sometimes it can be really hard to identify who we are.

07:57
Like, who am I in this situation and who am I to navigate this world with?

08:04
And having some talisman to some reminders, some anchor things, stuff.

08:12
Some, I'm trying to think, trinkets.

08:15
Uh, can actually help us navigate our days and go, yeah, this is something that brings me comfort.

08:22
This is who I am.

08:23
It could be the tattoos on our body.

08:26
It could be the jewelry that we wear.

08:27
I have a special ring that I wear.

08:29
Besides my wedding ring.

08:31
That reminds me of who I am.

08:33
Actually, there's a couple rings at certain points in my life. That mean different things and I put them on and off for different reasons.

08:42
But I think I really had to focus on a lot of those little items of mine being small when I come over.

08:52
And then to have something small with me, to carry forward was enough.

08:57
And how much I enjoy those things and how much I enjoy not keeping track of all these other things that I had trailing behind me.

09:09
And it was liberating.

09:12
It's not for everyone.

09:13
I don't think everyone needs to downsize to be happy because there are, um, a lot of people who enjoy their collections immensely.

09:23
And I'm not saying that that's wrong in any kind of way.

09:27
But if you find yourself in that quick moment as looking around and feeling heavy or feeling like there's so much to take care of, so much to dust, so much to clean.

09:41
I mean, jewelry needs cleaning.

09:43
We have to, you know, silver gets tarnished.

09:47
Um, Lego sets need dusting.

09:50
Um, even stuffed animals need washing or touchups every now and then.

09:56
Clothing needs to be washed.

09:58
Books need to be dusted.

10:00
Books can be so heavy.

10:02
I actually don't do well reading books anymore.

10:05
I used to have a massive book collection as a kid and I loved it.

10:09
They were some of my favorite.

10:14
I think I had 120 babysitters club books all lined up, all numerical order, and I remember selling them to the girl across the street, and making way for something new, and I still look at that as inspiration today.

10:33
It was, I thought it'd be a lot sadder to let them go, but it wasn't.

10:39
I was ready for that change and I personally think you have to be ready.

10:44
to let go of your items, to your, of your stuff, of parts of you that just, Don't fit into the puzzle anymore.

10:55
And I find that if I look back at myself 5 years ago, I feel very different now.

11:02
I mean, an international move will do that to you, but I swear every 5 years I look back, I'm just like, how did I change so much? And how do I look at my stuff different, especially through all of current events, through, you know, what is most important in my life, my family is the most important.

11:24
But I also knew that when I came to the Netherlands in a solo trip about a month before we all moved here.

11:33
And I did bare bones.

11:36
I did like, here's a pot, here's a plate.

11:39
Um, here's, uh, I think it has some plastic silverware and I had a blanket and a pillow and a mattress, a new mattress because that was like one of those important things.

11:52
You really see what's important, right?

11:54
So, but I also knew that I was missing not only my family.

12:00
Oh my goodness, after 4 or 5 days, I thought, oh, I get some alone time, right?

12:07
I get to, uh, decompress and but it was so filled with deliveries and trying to coordinate, setting up, uh, new utilities in, um, a country where I didn't speak the language quite yet.

12:21
So, I knew, like, I miss my family so much because I was like, I can't wait till they're here.

12:29
I can't wait till they're bring their stuff here and and we nest ourselves in this amazing place.

12:37
And I knew that I needed to bring more here.

12:42
It wasn't quite enough.

12:44
I knew that for my creature comforts for my sanity, my own pace of living.

12:54
I needed certain items here.

12:56
And I have to say, I love not having much here.

13:00
I've let go of a lot.

13:01
We've let go of cars and it's just so nice to not have to worry about that.

13:06
But all of this is a privilege, but all of this was necessary for me seeing myself in a new light and going about my day, using my favorite items, and now those favorite items are even more potent because that's what I have around me.

13:27
I don't know what that means for you.

13:30
I don't know when is the time for you to let go of items or when they feel heavy, when they feel empty, when they make you feel sad, when they make you feel angry.

13:40
When they have feelings associated with them that are, In the middle, right?

13:47
Like, they can have some good memories, but then maybe it's still time to let them go, even if they have those good memories. Because it's just a part of your life that's not part of your life anymore.

13:59
And that's hard.

14:01
That's hard to deal with.

14:02
I very much love to sit with people during those moments and really honor like the times that you had, honor, you know, who you were during that time and honor the actual next steps you want to take in your life, and who you want to be going forward because that's the most important part.

14:26
So I hope this was a little bit of inspiration. And also I want to remind you that you aren't your things.

14:35
You inherently are a beautiful person.

14:39
Inside and out, even when we struggle even when we do the awkward things, even when we make mistakes.

14:46
We aren't our stuff.

14:49
We are humans that deserve equal rights and respect and love.

14:58
And so I really want to stress that when we talk about our items, being part of ourselves, there still is this giant part of ourselves that no matter what we have around us, deserve so much in life.

15:13
So just remember, no 2 people are the same.

15:16
No 2 hearts are the same, no 2 minds are the same, and only you know when it's time to let go.

15:22
So, however you're Creating Your Sanctuary with your items right now, with your stuff around you, and with the stuff that's soon going to leave, the way you're doing it is enough.

15:34
I'll see you next time.